my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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