Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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