mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
