You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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