where am i from again
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
