Got a toothbrush?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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