One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
