I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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