I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
