my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
