Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
