haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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