apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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