Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
