I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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