do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
