Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
