New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you didnt know i had herpes?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize