1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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