So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
