My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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