he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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