someone owes me an orgasm
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize