Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
