How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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