We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
