took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the condom got lost in my hair
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
