I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
