There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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