i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize