Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
