i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
