Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
