So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
