So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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