Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
In the future we'll all be gay
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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