Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
