Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
