a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
