entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
