Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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