Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
