They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize