omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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