Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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