This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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