you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
