Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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