I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
