could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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