apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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