sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
