Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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