Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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