So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
