angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize