eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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