I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
