he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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