i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
