I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
