where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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