i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
