so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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