I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
