he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
