last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
