Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize