sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
