Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
