You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
