another moral hangover. fuck.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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