how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
