just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
