This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
