I bet he comes in French.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize