just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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